A SMALL CONVERSATION WITH GOD

I was an atheist until the GOD made me realize his existence and his power. I believe it was my GOD who choose me and helped me grow more spiritual. I always pray LORD JESUS to rule me in your love, words and spirit. Restrain from all those things which are not from you. My life started to be beautiful. I feel the blossoms of nature and enjoy the bliss being with ma GOD and immense peace which is ineffable. Soon I experienced my DAD “Jesus” magical healing power. I call my GOD DAD. He cured my sickness. He taught me the real meaning of forgiveness. My DAD said me to be patient, to HUMBLE myself… I obeyed and started practising it until the day when I break down and said NOOOO NOT anymore. I CAN’T… I can’t do it anymore. I don’t wanna be like you… Yes, I do like you but I don’t wanna be like you my DAD because in return I am getting thrones, humiliation and rejection. I said NOO let me go back to this world; I want to be ME and myself. My DAD said yes my child I will not force you. It was my love for you made you realize about me but I have also given you a free will to choose your way and path.  Soon within no time, I turned back. I started going away from his kingdom. I lose the fidelity with my LORD. My heart strived to get back into all the pleasures of this WORLD. I got lured, deceived and bound in the worldly chains. Gradually I started losing propitiations. I was ruled by arrogance, stubbornness, Ego. My self-pride inside in me never allowed me to HUMBLE myself. My arrogance said me not to give up and you have to win in all the fights and arguments even by making others hurt. My EGO made me feel hurt for even silly things. I lost my peace. I realized the relationships are getting spoiled because of me. I CRIED and asked myself WHY? What’s happening to me? Why even after trying a lot of times I can’t mend the broken relationships in my life. I get drowned and yelled I am sinking LORD. Why do you left me like this alone and watch me cry and see me helpless...I CALL YOU… SPEAK TO ME!!

I heard that same voice from wilderness which called me when I was in DARK.

Me: Is it you, my DAD?

GOD: YES my CHILD

Me: Where you were DAD all these days? Didn’t you see things getting spoiled? You didn’t see my cry? You didn’t see me weeping alone in the dark? You didn’t see me in that PAIN??

GOD: YES I DID but I was waiting for you to call me. I was always there with you but you didn’t call me and you took your free will to choose your own path. You said to me that no more prayers and you are not interested.  And further, you said yes you like me but you can’t follow me… DONT YOU REMEMBER my child?

Me: Yes I do. My mind is disturbed? I am perplexed! I want PEACE!!

GOD: The peace I give you is not of this WORLD. My PEACE is ETERNAL.

Me: People complain to me that I am becoming more arrogant and stubborn

GOD: My Child you were like this earlier. But it was me in you made me the change. You became a new creation in me on the day when you welcomed and accepted me as your personal saviour and father. It was my LOVE & WARMTH people experienced in you. I stopped ruling you on that day when you said that you don’t need my guidelines anymore. It was my love which ruled you to be a good person. Now if people see and complain about your attitude then it’s not me it’s YOU. It’s your mind and body which is ruling you.

Me: I agreed but how do I mend it, DAD. I tried and tried but can’t put me back into the right TRACK?

GOD: You can’t repair it yourself no matter how hard you try. Because it was my strength my child which mend your relationships. It was not your work… the WORK is done by me for my CHILD.

Me: my marriage is in STRUGGLE? What should I do?

GOD: Neither the SEX nor this WORLD can heal your marriage. Give it to me my CHILD. Prioritize me in your life because when I gave my everything for you; then what is stopping you to prioritize me in your LIFE?

Me: My KID? She doesn’t love me!

GOD: None of your discipline and devotion can save your kid. Root deep in her teachings.  Let them grew up by seeing me in you through your practice and deeds. Love them unconditionally without expectation. You just have to look at my sacrifice at the cross the last expression of my LOVE I made for you. If you have known me then you can love without expecting.

Me: My pride…

God: If you want to follow me then you have to DENY yourself, take your CROSS and follow me because there is no other way than this narrow path. Your PRIDE will vanish when you deny yourself and make humble.

Me: my Health…?

GOD: NO NO NOOO… You remember it was not this world’s medicines cured you. Maybe people have prayed, your pastor has prayed, your own parents prayed but NOO… it was me who came there in that labour room when I saw you crying out of your labour pain and you called me … GOD HELP ME I CANT TAKE THIS PAIN. Then it was me who took your baby out of your womb safely. It was me who touched your body and healed all your hereditary sickness and illness because now you are my heir.

GOD: Wear me, my Child, wear my attitude, and wear my HUMBLENESS, my PATIENCE…

Me: DAD but I … I find it hard LORD to be LIKE you. People take me for granted, when I don’t react people think I am a fool, I keep on forgiving but how long will I forgive? They reject me?

GOD: Don’t give up and YES you can be like me. My grace is enough for you to follow and obey my GOSPEL.

Yes, I know people will take you for granted because that’s what I people did to me. I healed them; I raised their child from DEAD still they rebel against me. I gave myself to them yet they refuse to come to me.

Yes, PEOPLE will think you are FOOL when you keep quiet. But do it for me my CHILD…. Do it for me for the love I have in you…

Yes, I know you keep on forgiving and you ask me how long? Then I tell you till the END and I will give you the CROWN of eternity. This is what I called you for. Didn’t I forgive you when you turned away? Didn’t I forgive you when you rebelled? Didn’t I forgive you when you refuse to listen to me? I have forgiven your past SINS, still forgiving you and will keep just because I LOVE YOU.

If you talk about rejection then listen to my own people rejected me, taunted me. This world will reject you because they have rejected me…

Jesus said if you don’t have love in you, if you can’t love your neighbors, if you can’t love your own brother then you lie that you know me. You fool yourself by saying that you love me. Love does not boat, there’s no wining and losing… LOVE is FORGIVENESS. the simple definition is FORGIVENESS.

I found my HAPPINESS in JESUS

I get hurt but the difference is that now I look to my heavenly DAD and seek his face and tell him that “DAD I am hurt but it’s okay dad because I have you with me. I somehow with the help of my dad JESUS able to cast all my burdens, pains, tears and hurts to my DAD because I know he’s the wonderful man who can sort it out.

Earlier I get hurt and in pain I become restless then I start to get irritated. And the result would be nagging. At a point, I even felt like futile to express my feelings and emotions when nobody is getting convinced or able to understand. I tried and tried to solve things by talking, by clearing my mind, by ignoring but everything again futile. But then I remember that man who lived in this WORLD 2000 years ago, still living and gave his life for me on that CROSS. I said oh DAD how did I forgot you in the midst of all these issues and problem. And I realized that YES that was my problem “Forgetting my LORD”. I tried solving the problems with my skill but GOD proved no you can’t save your marriage or your kids, JOB or anything… it’s only ME and surrender to me your burdens, pains, tears, worries…  JESUS said why you have to take this pain, my daughter, when I have already taken that on the CROSS? Why you have to cry when I cried for this whole WORLD & Human race? Why you have to be in pain when I tolerated all the pain when I was whipped… why?? Come to me and call me. I realized the fact and accepted that in this world if anyone can solve things then it’s him that wonderful man who I met somewhere in my life and all my life got changed “none other than JESUS”. I declared my love… I fall in love with him and announced to myself that he’s ma MAN… everything and everybody come after that in my life, even my family and kid. Because of you the one who gave me all this.

I prayed let me seek you and look at you my LOVE JESUS. Ohhh Jesus gives me a new heart which is of yours with LOVE, COMPASSION &FORGIVENESS. Ohh, my DAD, JESUS give me your SHAME dad because I am not worthy to look at your face and call you as my DAD. Jesus my Papa give me your strength when I am on the verge of a breakdown. Ohh my LOVE JESUS give me your WISDOM to walk in the right path. DADA I just want you to take control over me. Tie me and rule me with your WORDS.

All these days I looked at this world and the things of this world. I searched happiness in this world. I tried to replace things to solve the problems. I get disappointed with my family issues. I nag my husband when he doesn’t understand my feelings. I scold my kid out of frustration. What I gained??? What did I gain other than lack of peace and pain? I didn’t gain anything when I looked into this world and the things but rather keep on feeling like I am drowning in more and more problems. I yelled and said nooo my happiness is not from my family, kid, money or this WORLD. I found my happiness in you JESUS which can’t be snatched away by this world. Bcoz you the one who loves me beyond my expectation. What is kept in this world to fantasies? Nothing I find in his world as an excitement… bcoz I can’t take a single penny or my family, job or anything when I say a GOOD-BYE to this WORLD. My life is gonna start after my death being with you. When I started to find happiness in JESUS I don’t know I had burdens, I felt bad or get hurt but he reminded me that I am with you and yours all is mine now. Your sorrows and problems are mine now. I don’t know now nothing in this world affects me.  I pray GOD my happiness should begin and end with you. I need you badly and terribly in my life back, in the same way, my heartbeats, in the same way, I need oxygen to breathe. I cried and said DAD this is the battle I am gonna fight. I can’t do it alone. I need you to be with me to win this WAR. This BATTLE is not mine but our DAD JESUS. I look at him and don’t see anything else in this WORLD. He reinstated me. I lost my way but JESUS in between called my name and said daughter you are on the wrong path… come hold my hands and this WAY… I followed him and I reached my HOME BACK. I said give me your cloth dad so that I can wear you. Let me breathe you in…

As I have read in bible “You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it so that the Son can bring glory to the Father.” So I ask in your name that I wanna see you, I want to be happy and rejoice in you, not in this WORLD. As you said, “A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.” So this WORLD will not influence me or touch me.

My aim is to tell and share your GOSPEL without any fear and shame. Let this world persecute me… let them take my life. let them judge me… let them call me insane… but my LOVE for you will never shake with your HELP. As PAUL said I am not ashamed of the GOSPEL. Let me proclaim… let me declare… Ohh GOD gives me the heart of boldness to speak and testify about you. Because when I am getting deeper into you I feel like going everywhere and share your WORD.  This is my AIM now… Never let me fall my GOD JESUS. Now I thank GOD that all this breakdowns, pain and tears are good to restore my LOVE towards you my LORD.

Letter to God

I am breaking down by seeing and experiencing the naked truths and the hardship we have to face when there are no other options other than trusting in you and the faith I have in you, Jesus Christ. I feel like giving up…. Will we do not get succeed Jesus?? I don’t know God what to do? I lost ma mind, I feel vanished, and I feel helpless. If it was not gonna happen then why God ??

I started breaking down… my heart started to lose hope. I know the pain and tension he has in his mind. I know God you are seeing all this. Now I have only left with the trust and I believe in your miracle that’s the final hope I have no matter whatever rules and situation prevails. God, I set all my hopes in you Jesus do not leave us…Listen to my prayer requests, I am getting shattered inside. I feel all the doors are closed… which is the way we need to go?? Please show us a way God please… open a door for us... See my tears & the pain having inside ma heart…Show us the way God please I am pleading. I feel helpless… nobody to listen and help me… God don’t leave us in this situation please uplift us, lord. You know exactly about ma mind… what I should do tell me God speak to me answer to my worries…

I can’t take this tension and pain anymore… please see this God. See ma pleading… speak to me something…talk to me, lord... I don’t have anybody other than you... I don’t have anybody to help me other than you. Show us the way to success… don’t want to be a failure…

I trust you… I don’t doubt in your trust but at the same time, I am also scared when I see nothing is happening in life. I believe only you can help us with this situation. Please give us your hand so that we can hold and come up and get successful. Nothing is impossible for you I believe that. I love you lord and please don’t tag anything as a barrier for pouring the blessing in our life. I know you will never let us down in front of all others... Trust you trust you trust you lord… still waiting for that miracle to happen in our life. I blindly believe in your miracles and powers which are gonna happen but don’t delay it, GOD, because I am breaking down and will get shattered. I don’t have the capacity to carry the pain anymore. Have mercy on us please have mercy on us… Love you, Lord, the way you took care of everything in ma life and loving me unconditionally. I believe the promises you have given to me.

Finally, I trust you completely and I don’t have an existence without you…and not gonna stop ma prayers and the trust I have in you no matter whatever the situation is….

I have only my DAD with me

I was thinking of what to write in my blog. I closed my eyes for a while and many thoughts came in, many words came in….

Well at this phase of my life I can’t think anything else other than my GOD and spiritual life. I don’t have anything to write other than ma heavenly DAD. I know this sounds so much boring but I just want to be like this. This is the way I choose to be. This is the only aim I see in my life now. I can't see anything else other than him I prefer not to see anything else or this world. I wanna only see the one who created this world and who was at the very beginning of this world. I wanna frame it in my heart. I wanna cherish in you my DAD Jesus. I wanna rejoice in you ma DAD. What more I want the joy you have filled in my heart. I wanna celebrate being with you. Because the day when I turned my face off and said to you that Lord I don’t need you because now I can handle things, now I can manage things, now I can lead my life myself, now I can do things myself. I was a total fool who thought that it's me and only me. I kept faith in this world and in myself. But soon I started to feel the anguish for turning away from you, I started feeling the torment and agony for turning off my face from you. I am like that son who took the share of his father and went away and spent everything I had. But when I was in that pig’s field by feeding those pigs and had nothing to eat. I filled my stomach with feeds or pods that the pigs were eating. When I starved to death I came to my senses I remembered ohhh I had a wonderful DAD whose barrel is filled and will never get empty and who poured his unconditional love towards me. I cried and came back to my DAD’s house and said DADA I sinned against you and heaven. I got so deceived in this world that I even forgot that I have a wonderful DAD who ran and came to me, threw his hands around me and kissed me. I said I am not worthy to be called your child. But my father said let’s have a feast and celebrate for my child was dead and now born again and further said she was lost and is found. This is the love of my heavenly father.

My only goal in my life is to climb those steps of spirituality in my life, to wear my DAD lord’s qualities, to give up myself. Giving up myself in the sense leaving my bodily behaviours, attitudes, ego, anger, selfish, rude, arrogance, stubborn. I don't wish to take all these along with me in the rest of my life. I wanna stay peace…. And I wanna be patient, I wanna be kind, I wanna love unconditionally, I wanna serve, I wanna be compassionate, I wanna pray for my enemy, I wanna feed and give party to those people who cant throw me back a party, I wanna give money to those who can’t pay me back, I wanna weep along with their sorrows and dance in their happiness… This is what ma DAD Jesus did and showed me this path to follow. I don’t have any other wish or in other words, I have my wishlist but nothing is greater than all this. Priority is my GOD and I wanna set him at first. Nothing is greater than ma heavenly DAD.

The day when I accepted Jesus as my personal Savior believe me I never had a chance to look back. He said to me first search his will and rest everything will be given to you. When I obeyed this GOD fulfilled his promise by giving rest of everything.

Where It Went Wrong!!

For all those who are alone, when you facing a hard time, when everybody lefts you when you couldn’t succeed your goals when you lose something when you fails in your life when you get bugged and fed-up…..

Sometimes even we don’t understand where it has gone wrong in our life. Life is full of stuff with unhappiness, challenges and mysteries. Each second of life gives us many unexpected things to learn and experience. Life is a fast game in which we have to run with high speed until we attain something and if in between we lose the game, nobody will be there with us in our failure. And sometimes we really get fed-up with daily bloody routine life. Life takes away our happiness by giving us so many sorrows, tensions, problems…

There are situations where people who are being close to us become so strangers and strangers become close. Why sometimes some relations even though how much hard we try to hold, it just skips away from our hand.

Loneliness teaches many things in our life and makes us more strong and practical. It's being a tough situation to pass through when nobody is there to support us. There are many occasions when we try to convince others and nobody understands us and we feel like a looser & gives up all our hopes. We go on weeping in the loneliness and nobody values our tears…

I never use to go to church and never believed in prayers. But I started to believe when I lost everything – my close friends, my loved ones. My parents became against me, and my love was not here to support me, and my office work went down. And my life took me to many unwanted fake temporary things. I depended on many lies to show a different face to others which was not a real me, all my loved ones left me. Gradually I lost the peace of ma mind and was willing to do and listen to any thing to get back my peace. I needed salvation, I searched for help!!! Then I started to find God and asked myself do God really exists?? I strive hard to get rid of the darkness from my life, but nobody could help me. I Wanted the lamp as my life to lighted up with a bright light. I keep on asking my self about the solutions, clarifications, answers… Then I cried and asked help …. “God if you there living then tell me where it went the wrong god, please make everything fine as earlier…. I kneel down in front of god and cried loudly god if u there and the living god then give back my peace, give back my happiness, give back my loved ones…. I went to ma room and cried loudly….

I started praying daily, I started going to church, when nobody was there… I enjoyed the communication made to myself in the church in silence by praying. Once I was praying in the church and took a page from the bible and was shocked to read the words “Isaiah 49:14-16 “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands” I don’t know how I got the strength in my life after reading this. It was like God was just speaking to me. After that, I started to read the bible regularly and then gradually I realized ma mistakes. I repented myself for all ma faults… I realized that God blessed me with many good things and I always complained. God gave me lots of happiness and I never realized and valued it. I never ever said thanks to god and I use to think all the achievements are mine and I attained it only because of ma ability. Now I know where I went wrong. I was and still a big Zero without my GOD.

I was wrong… life taught me that I am nothing. When everybody left me in bad times, then I realized nothing stays and lasts in this world forever… God gifted me this life and my biggest fault and mistake was I never praised god I never said thanks to god instead I always criticized the believers and churches. Jesus died for my sins and its really strange that we don’t have even time to spend with our God.

Now I think I am the happiest person in this world after knowing my God because no matter no body is with me I am living in the confidence and belief that God is with me forever. I have done many wrong and sins,  I realized my wrongs and mistakes. Guys whoever listening to me or reading this… don’t worry when you are alone when you facing a hard time when everybody leaves you when you could not succeed your goals, when you lose something, because God will never let you down…. God will give you trials and sorrows only to remember him and to get more close and know about god. So next time tell your problems that I am fine because God is with me & believe me you will start feeling relaxed and comfortable.